Yeah, so as many of you know I’m not the heartbreaker type, though I have no problem cussing out homeless people or those who I feel have wronged me. Everyone gets one chance, and if you blow it, you’re on my blacklist. So in talking with a friend last night, I shared a story of the worst way I’ve been dumped, which I thought was pretty bad until I heard her story. So I’ll briefly tell mine, tell hers, then I want to hear in what ways you guys have received that good old Dear John notice (or given it too).
The worst for me was over AIM. I had a cell phone, house phone, and could have been there in about 20 minutes if she had really wanted to talk. But I knew it was coming, so I think I probably responded with a “k.” After that, I hand wrote a strongly worded letter to her.
My friend’s beat me though– she got broken up with over text message. Now THAT is jacked up, as both parties would have been holding a cell phone at the exact same time, yet he still decided to be spineless and not just meet up and do it in person, but decided to be classless as well and do it over text.
We both were able to look back and laugh about it now, but it got me thinking what other ways people have invented to break the break up news. Faked death? Fancy decorated cake? Skywriting? A slaughtered goat on a doorstep? So if you have a good story, post it below.
You know I have too much too say here to even post it all.
OK, Steve, here’s a classic. 17 years old, I’m dating the hottest chick I’ve ever dated and she came from a rich family and gave the best b!ow job ever…so I’m loving life. She’s coming to my baseball games and is all into me….well one day at home I am watching TV and I get a phone call from this guy named Brad. He proceeds to tell me that Alex is dating me and him at the same time and I should meet him at her house. So I call my friend who had a car and we drive over there.
He was really cool about it, but was a little more forward with her since they’d been dating all through high school. He had a key to her house and everything…. So my friend Mike and I are sitting in her livingroom and Brad runs up the stairs and I hear him yell “Alex, get the fuck downstairs! NOW!”. I was like WTF?!? So 2 minutes later the shower turns off and she walks downstairs in her bathrobe…she has no clue that I’m sitting on the other side of the wall. Brad’s says “WTF are you doing?” “Are you fucking him too?” She looked around the corner and there I stand! LoL. Classic look, can’t be duplicated….ever.
So he walks over to me and says “Dude I’m sorry”. He proceeds to go through their whole history…then he touches on the blow job I received several times and she hurls a crystal ashtray, the size of my head, right over Brad’s head and through a huge window in her ritzy house…shattered everywhere…She says, “Jim you need to leave!” So I was like, “Cool man!” and as I’m walking out, in walks dad and I hear him say “What the hell is going on in here and who the hell was that guy leaving and why is my window broken!?”
Needless to say….worst thing to find out your chick already has a man, but then being given the boot…..might be the best thing that ever happened to me in retrospect…..true story. LoL.
Bwaahaaa…great story. That chick is easily a duece and a half right now with like 5 kids and pounding Funions like it’s her job.
Dude so I’m in the courthouse for my job right now and its all quiet in this training session and I just read that and laughed and got these mean stares from everyone, maybe because I was being disruptive, but I think they’re just jealous because I’m actually entertained and having fun. Great story.
See, something positive always comes out of something like that. I actually ran into that chick at this networking event….she sells copiers and she’s clearly anorexic…She kinda looked like Iggy Pop. Weird.
Mark, love the Funion comment..coffee almost came out of the nose..
lol…did my job then.
Well, since I inspired this one I feel that the rest of the story should be told so you can get the full effect… We had been dating for about four months, he waited till the weekend I was out of town and sent me the text at 1:00 A.M! I can’t remember what it said exactly but not anything eloquent that’s for sure. The worst part was that I tried to call him after I got the text because it was completely out of the blue and he didn’t pick up. But, he did send me another text that told me not to call and that I was being immature about it! Wow, was that ever the pot calling the kettle black. Good riddance!
I just drift and don’t answer phone calls.