Response to TJ’s “Men Lie” Post

All I have to say is that Chris Rock said it best when he said this:

 That’s right, man. Relationships:
easy to get into, hard to maintain.   
  
Why are they so hard to maintain?
Because it’s hard to keep up the lie.   
  
‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you.
You got to lie to get somebody.   
  
You can’t get nobody looking like you look,
acting like you act… 
sounding like you sound.   
  
When you meet somebody for the first time,
you’re not meeting them.  
  
You’re meeting their representative.  
  
That’s right.
Who are the biggest liars, men or women? 
  
-Men!
-Women!   
  
Men lie the most,
women tell the biggest lies.   
  
Men, we lie all the time.
We lie so much, it’s damn near a language.  
  
lt’s like, to call a man out for lying…  
is like playing basketball with a retarded kid
and calling him for double dribble.  
  
You gotta let some shit slide. 
  
Men, we lie all the time.  
  
You know what a man’s lie is like?
A man’s lie is like, ”l was at Tony’s house.  
”l’m at Kenny’s house.” That’s a man’s lie.  
  
A women’s lie is like, ”lt’s your baby.” 
  
We’ve all heard that one. 
  
-”lt don’t even look like me.”
-”He’s got your hat.”   
  
That’s right. Who the biggest liars?
Women the biggest liars.  
  
Look at you, all of you.  
You’re a fucking liar. You!  
You’re a liar!  
You’re all liars. All of you are fucking liars!  
  
Masters of the Visual Lie!!!!!!!!  

Look at you.
You got on heels, you ain’t that tall.  
  
You got on makeup,
your face don’t look like that.  
  
You got a weave, your hair ain’t that long.  
  
You got a Wonderbra on,
your titties ain’t that big.  
  
Everything about you is a lie,
and you expect me to tell the truth?
 
Fuck you!  
  
Men lie, we live lies. That’s why we so crazy.  
  
Every now and then,
we catch ourselves living a lie.  
  
We create a whole lie-world around us.  
  
For instance, every man in this room
is hiding some porno in his house.  
  
Every man in here
got a pornography stash in the crib.  
  
That’s right.  
  
Not an illegal amount,
just enough to get you by.  
Thank you. 
  
And when we hide porno, we go all out.  
  
lt ain’t behind the refrigerator
or under the bed.  
  
No, we become Batman
when it’s time to hide some porno.  
  
That’s right, you hit the light switch,
the whole bookshelf shifts to the side.  
  
You go down two flights of stairs
into your porno cellar.  
  
Janet Jackme, Kobe Tai,
Jenna Jameson, that’s right.  
  
But women always find the porno.  
  
But they don’t find it
in the porno hiding place. Oh, no.  
Where do women find the porno at?

ln the VCR.  
  
And fellas are like, ”Damn, how can l be
so dumb to leave it in the VCR?”  
  
l’ll tell you why.  
  
‘Cause when you’re jerking off,
you ain’t in your right state of mind. 
  
Your brain’s all cloudy and foggy.
l’ll tell you exactly what happened.  
  
One day, your woman left early.  
You had the whole house to yourself.  
  
So you said,
”Let me get a little jerk before work.”  
  
So you in the house, getting your jerk on.
Nice good jerk, too.   
  
You know,
that ain’t-nobody-in-the-house jerk.  
  
That’s a good jerk. lt ain’t like that
somebody-in-the-next-room jerk.  
  
That’s a bad jerk. That’s like, ”Who’s that?”  
  
l don’t like that jerk.  
  
l’m talking about the good jerk,
that nobody-ain’t-home jerk.  
  
So you get the Vaseline ready…  
and you just look at your dick and go:  
”Scream if you want to.
No one’s gonna hear.” 
  
And right then,
your relationship’s in trouble. That’s right.  
‘Cause if you can’t share what you’re like,
you’ll have problems.  
  
When you love somebody,
you got to love everything about them.  
  
You got to love the crust of a motherfucker.  
  
You can’t just love
the white part of the bread.   
  
You gotta love the crust, the crumbs,
the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster.  
  
That’s what the real motherfucker is.

 That’s right….we all lie all the time…  =)