Just Die Already!

Old, useless people
doing, of course,
NOTHING.

I already feel like an ass for writing this post, but I know all of you are thinking it too. There’s a certain population of our society that just keeps getting bigger and remaining large for longer than ever that I wish I didn’t have to deal with most of the time. I’m talking, of course, about old people. Most of them have used up their worthfullness, and I wish those that have would just die already.

Don’t pretend to be offended. You do too. I had the pleasure of going to Wal*Mart today, and there were about four occasions where old people simply got in my way. They’d of course be in senile pairs, each one confusing the other in a clusterf*ck of “huh”s and “whaaaat”s and “Harold, I told you to get the Gold Bond Medicated, not regular”s that was so irritating I wanted to pull off their blue wigs and strangle them with their cardigan sweaters. Meanwhile, they were blocking the entire aisle with their fat diabetic, rascal-riding ass that I couldn’t even get by and running and bumping into me in every which way.

And that was just in Wal*Mart. How about on the road, too deaf to hear and too shriveled and hunched to see? They’re obviously not safe to be on the road – and we see it all the time with stupid accidents – old people driving into swap meets, pedestrians, and houses after mistaking the gas for the brake or from being just plain senile. They even create danger for others when they walk through intersections without realizing the sign says don’t walk or leave things on the stove that they forget about.

The worst thing about old people though (other than their smell) is how they sit around and don’t do anything all day except ask each other if they’ve taken their medication and play checkers. They like to hit little kids with their canes and sit on benches outside of stores or other public areas just… wasting away. Granted, they don’t ask for money or anything, but they’re ALWAYS willing to bore you with a story about how great things used to be. Who cares? Send them to the glue factory already!

Don’t think I’m harsh now, not all of them should go to the glue factory just yet. The old people that still have value – the ones that you see jogging or surfing, or doing useful things, or even people like Regis Philbin – they still have a place in this world. They can stay… for now. But all these other ones that just sit around and wet their pants and hack up phlegm all day? Waste of space, time, money, air. SLAP!