Put It Down..

Todays person I Hate And Want Dead (For 5 Minutes) is the obese person that you always see carrying the “Biggie” size or “Big Gulp” softdrink. I am not talking about the chubby guy, I am talking obese…like half dead already obese.

First, you are already 5′3″ 400 lbs. Did you REALLY need the the “Biggie?” Who the f*ck can drink that much soda anyway? It’s disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. I am sure that the meal that came with it wasn’t a side salad either. Most likely a triple cheeseburger and OF COURSE the “Biggie” fries. Do you want to live past 40? Put down the gallon drum of root beer and try water.  Christ?!

Second, have some self respect. How are you even going to walk into a Wendys to begin with. Everyone sees you coming in and we are all stunned at the lack of self respect and disregard for your own health. I mean enough is enough. Ok, fine you ate your meal. But the part I HATE is that you felt you had to leave the place with your giant root beer in hand and just walk around sipping like a Godamn baby sucking on it’s bottle on while oin your way to K Mart. Gross…

The solution, I walk up to you snap the fingers, BAM you hit the floor. Dead for five minutes. A preview of where your heading if you even have just one more caramel apple epinada from Taco Bell. Run away from the border please. After you hit the floor I will take your “Biggie” and dump it all over your face, then spike the cup off your head. Maybe then when you wake up all sticky with root beer residue and a straw in your fat hair you will reconsider up sizing next time. Enough is enough.