It’s probably fairly apparent by now that neither Mark nor myself like the hip-hop/rap scene, and usually don’t like the performers themselves either. In fact, the only people I hate more are the idiots on myspace who imitate these morons. T-Pain, or Faheem Rasheed Najm as he’s known to his mother, is a rapper who illustrates everything I hate about rappers. He thinks he’s freaking awesome; wears sunglasses inside, along with other stupid clothing accessories; can’t sing or spell; and ISN’T a gangsta by ANY stretch of the imagination.
We’ll start with the awesome part. This is probably the biggest problem I have with rappers. They all think that they’re the greatest people on Earth and that we all would should be so lucky to get a whiff of their shit, which “don’t stink,” of course. They also always have to be the center of attention, doing whatever it takes to make people look at them. I could go on about this, but it just infuriates me how these jackasses act – and not even just some of the time – ALL of the time.
Stupid clothing accessories, such as overly colorful clothes, overly large necklaces and/or pendants, gold foil on the teeth, or T-Pain’s favorite, ridiculously oversized and abstractly patterned Mad Hatter hats. Seriously, are these idiots really spending their money on shoes that match only one thing they’ll ever wear? No wonder people like MC Hammer go broke. And to T-Pain, the hat and sunglasses make you look like a tard. Though, if I had hair like the Predator, I’d probably wear a hat too. But not that big and ridiculous… unless it was my unbirthday.
T-Pain, you can’t sing. You suck at rapping. The only reason why you’re famous is because of computers, and their ability to make you sound not as terrible as you really do, and somehow being “featured” on songs by already famous people. Your songs such as “I’m N Luv (Wit A Stripper)” and “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin)” prove that you’re an idiot and have zero talent as well as zero spelling skills, even though you did graduate from High School. Which brings me to my next point: YOU’RE NOT A “GANGSTA.”
It turns out that T-Pain stands for “Tallahassee Pain” (and not “Twat” like I thought it should), alluding to the pain that Faheem went through while living there. My guess is it was the relentless teasing about his terrorist-sounding name, but that’s beside the point. Last time I checked, Florida wasn’t a real big gangster town. If anything Miami is closest, but only because Will Smith sang about it. Other than that, isn’t Florida all just Cubans, drunk white chicks in bikinis, and old people? It must be pretty G though because T-Pain suffered a serious injury that ended in him losing four teeth, cuts, and bruises. He described it three days later at a concert:
My ass is on fire right now. My side hurt, my mouth hurt… I bust my ass. I’d show you the marks, but I don’t wanna pull my pants down right now… I got my teeth fixed the same day. Rich nigga teeth.
Umm, yeah. The cause of the injury? A golf cart accident. Yeah, real gangster, you ingrate. You’re a fake, as are all of your rapper friends and fans, and I hate all of you. And even though this fronting and fakeness can be said about any genre of music and its performers, the hip-hop scene is by far the most deceptive. If only the real poor, lower-class people who are your biggest fans knew how you really lived, they would kick your ass in two seconds. But they don’t see this, and somehow believe that if they listen to your music and do the things that you rap about but don’t actually do, they’ll be like you. As a result, we have a million other ingrates running around buying fancy shoes but can’t afford to support their five bastard kids after hooking up with all the “shawtys.” What about you? That’s right, T-Pain, you married your high school sweetheart and have three kids of your own. Is that gangster? Sounds more like soft rock to me.
But it’s cool, T-Pain, because you’re Muslim, and hopefully by living the good, non-gangster life that you are you’ll be granted access to the virgins by Allah. Well, good life except that it’s composed entirely of a lie. Now take your sweater with a giant Obama face on it and fuck off.
HAHAHAHAHAHa
entirely based on a lie? i suppose you think christianity is the ‘truth’? douchebag.
I don’t believe I said anything about Christianity in this post at all, nor did I infer that the Muslim belief is based on a lie. I did, however, infer that the Muslim faith highly revolves around the promise of virgins (72 or 50, to be exact, depending on the source) upon access to the afterlife, which is noted in the Qur’an as the “ḥūr” or “ḥūrīyah.”
As for T-Pain, yes, his “gangster” life (see my original post) and success is entirely based upon a lie. For more information on this, Google “autotune” – or better yet (and this reminds me of the old “if I look up stupid in the dictionary, I’d see your picture” joke) do a Google Image search, and there’s a picture of him on the first page of results, holding his Gold Album (as of the time of this reply).
On a side note, in an effort to make more “lettuce” he released an iPhone app called “I am T-Pain” which is basically a watered down version of Autotune for the iPhone, thus actually showing everybody how talented he ISN’T.